


Drinking Night

by toxic_corn



Category: Firefly
Genre: Drunkenness, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_corn/pseuds/toxic_corn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when the crew gets sloshed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://crazywriterchic.livejournal.com/profile)[crazywriterchic](http://crazywriterchic.livejournal.com/)'s [ prompt at my Rayne request post](http://toxic-corn.livejournal.com/161529.html)

Jayne squinted at Mal, sitting across from him at the table, trying to process what he’d just said. They’d all been drinking pretty heavily for the last hour and a half or so, but Mal’s question still seemed pretty off the wall to him, regardless.

 

“Shuh muh?” Jayne grunted.

 

Mal set down his mug and signaled to Simon to refill it. The doctor did but spilled some on Mal’s hand in the process and started giggling. “Don’t be wastin’ my hard earned liquor!” Mal exclaimed.

 

“Hard earned?” Inara repeated, widening her eyes incredulously. “You stole it!”

 

“And what makes ya think it was easy?” Mal narrowed his eyes at her but a smile slowly spread across his face, staring at the companion.

 

“Hey!” Jayne snapped his fingers an inch from Mal’s face. “What’d you just say? I didn’t hear ya right, I think.”

 

“What’d you think I say?” Mal asked in return.

 

“Inara,” Kaylee said, nodding. “Definitilly… deafen… Inara for sure.”

 

Jayne raised his eyebrows at Kaylee then said, “Sounds like you asked… who we think’s prettiest.”

 

“Well, doc, Jayne’s got good hearing after all cuz that’s ‘zactly what I said!” He slapped Simon on the back and the boy fell out of his chair. Everyone laughed as Kaylee tipsily helped him back into his chair.

 

“I think it’s Kaylee!” Simon said gleefully and saluted everyone with his full mug before gulping his drink down.

 

Mal grinned and looked at the end of the table. “What say you, albatross? You been quiet all night. Who’s prettiest?”

 

River Tam hadn’t had anything to drink because of all the meds her brother had her on, so she’d just been watching the lot of them have fun. She didn’t seem miserable or anything, not being included, since she’d had a little smile on her face all night.

 

Now, put on the spot, she looked around the room calmly and said, “Me.”

 

Jayne had been in the middle of a gulp and choked on his liquor. Zoe pounded him on the back until he was able to speak. “ _You_?”

 

“Yes, me,” River said, a little sharply.

 

“How ya figure? With all these dee-lectable wimmin folks on board ‘n all?” Jayne laughed, shaking his head.

 

“Because. Inara is gorgeous, Zoe is beautiful, and Kaylee is cute. I am simply pretty.” River folded her arms, looking satisfied with herself.

 

“She thinks I’m cute!” Kaylee squealed, clapping her hands.

 

Jayne shook his head. “That didn’t answer my question: How exactly are you the prettiest?”

 

River glared at him a moment and then stood up, walking towards him with her back perfectly straight, placing one foot in front of the other then out of nowhere did a fancy ballerina twirl. “I’m graceful.”

 

“Uh huh,” Jayne agreed, watching her skirt flare with interest. He jerked backward in surprise when she placed her foot in her lap and hitched her skirt up even higher, all the way up her gorram thigh.

 

“I have good legs,” she said silkily.

 

“Uh huh,” Jayne moaned, letting his fingers run over her smooth skin.

 

Simon looked puzzled. “Hey. Hey, wait…”

 

River ignored him and settled in Jayne’s lap. Completely befuddled, Jayne went along with it, settling his hands around her waist. The girl shook her hair out and arched her back. “My hair is shiny.”

 

“When ya wash it,” Jayne said, but his voice shook a little. Just a little.

 

She cupped his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. “My eyes are luminous…” she whispered.

 

Now that she’d pointed her eyes out, Jayne couldn’t help but stare into them, nearly drowning in their warm chocolate brown depths. “What about aluminum?” he asked stupidly, but neither of them were paying much attention to what he was saying.

 

“And…” she reached under the table and pulled out the most impressive looking firearm Jayne had seen in his life. “My gun is bigger than yours.”

 

She was pointing it up towards the ceiling and not at him and damn the thing was even bigger than she was and all he could do was stare and feel saliva pool in his mouth.

 

“Damn, girl,” he croaked. “You really are the prettiest.”

 

“I’m glad you agree,” she said sweetly, then climbed out of his lap. “I’ll be in your bunk if you wish to find me later.” She was barely out the door before he was stumbling up out of his chair and after her.

 

The crew sat there in stunned silence before a light bulb seemed to go on above Simon’s head. “That was a seduction!” he exclaimed.

 

“It was,” Mal agreed and grabbed the bottle off the table. “’n I think we need a few more o’ these to wipe it out of our heads.”

 

Everyone mumbled their agreement and held their cups out for a refill.


End file.
